The Return of the King by J.R.R Tolkien (Harper Collins 1991) pp. 767-768
It is a grievous thing to witness the humiliation of a proud woman as Legolas and Gimli do the humiliation of Éowyn before Aragorn. I do not know whether Tolkien deliberately draws our attention to this contrast, but shortly after the scene in which Éowyn falls to her knees before the man who has, to her mind at least, rejected her, we read of Arod, the horse who has borne both Legolas and Gimli, standing before the door that leads to the Paths of the Dead, “sweating and trembling in a fear that was grievous to see”. In both cases it is the witnesses that grieve. Legolas and Gimli, proud sons of lords of their people, grieve to see a daughter of the king’s brother, casting aside her dignity in a last and utterly desperate attempt to persuade Aragorn to take her with him to Gondor and the battle. It is a grievous thing for those who hold honour dear to see such a thing. And we see the Dúnedain of the North, for whom the bond between themselves and their horses is a precious thing, grieved to see a horse bereft of its dignity.
Dignity and honour are things precious to us. As we leave the innocence of our childhood behind and begin to enter our adulthood, we do the work of creating a persona. I still remember my first night in a dormitory in an English boarding school, a boy who was fourteen years old, lying in bed with the sleeping forms of four other boys in the beds round about me, making conscious choices about the person I felt I needed to be if I were to be accepted by my fellows. I was no longer going to be the child that had slept in my parents’ home among my younger brothers and sisters just the night before, I had begun the process, quite literally, of re-inventing myself, and presenting a person of dignity to the world, worthy of the world’s respect, was central to that project.
Wise people have said that no-one should give their Self away until they have a Self, strong enough, secure enough, to be able to give. Until that moment comes then it is right and proper that the primary task of each person is to build a strong Self. This is the task in which Éowyn is now engaged and until now she has undertaken this task in acts of service as has been expected of a woman of her status among her people. While for other women among the Rohirrim this has meant serving a household, for her it has meant serving a king. And while others may have regarded such a position as being worthy of honour, for her it has become merely another form of servitude. Later, when she lay near to death in the Houses of Healing in Minas Tirith, Gandalf spoke truly of her in these words:
“Who knows what she spoke to the darkness, alone, in the bitter watches of the night, when all her life seemed shrinking, and the walls of her bower closing in about her, a hutch to trammel some wild thing in?”
So, as she kneels in desperation before the man she thinks of as her last hope of freedom from her shrinking existence, as she casts aside her dignity and merely asks for pity, we see a woman for whom the creation of a strong Self amidst the choices that seem to lie before her is an impossibility. She will make one more attempt to recover something of that dignity when she asks Théoden to allow her to ride to Minas Tirith among the Rohirrim, but when he refuses her request, she takes the matter into her own hands, going in the disguise of a man, knowing that her abilities as a horsewoman are such that she can match any one of them. And she will reach a place in the battle where she will perform a deed that no man could have done, a deed that will be one of the turning points of the battle.
All of this will be a part of her journey towards Selfhood. The words that she speaks in desperation into the darkness as her life shrinks about her, the words that she cries out to Aragorn in desperation before he takes the Paths of the Dead, her appeal to Théoden to let her ride with the Rohirrim to Minas Tirith, her action in going with the riders in the disguise of a man, her battle with the Witch-king of Angmar on the Pelennor Fields, her meeting with Faramir in the Houses of Healing, all of these are stages on her road to Freedom, her road to Selfhood. Such a road can never be a transition from one success after another. The authentic road will always be a road downwards before it can be an upward path.
Wisdom from The Lord of the Rings 
Good morning, Stephen, Your essay today points to the key role that disobedience plays in the formation of a self. Eowyn finally reached the do-or-die point of no return after Aragorn’s rejection and Theoden’s refusal, a step which is fraught with danger, even of humiliation. Most of us dare this at some point, usually during adolescence, some even several times with the self-reinventions that follow. It sounds like the 14-year-old entering boarding school carefully planned his metamorphosis, where Eowyn flung herself into hers. Downward path, upward path, the road goes ever on and on, Blessings and thanks, Kate
well said!
It was well said indeed!
As I read your comment, Kate, it struck me that for Éowyn humiliation is worse than danger. It takes a long time before we don’t fear humiliation any longer. Do we ever reach that point?
I think that I planned aspects of my metamorphosis, certain superficialities certainly. Choosing to become a follower of Christ when I was 18 was a leap into the dark for this cautious young man.
I don’t think we are ever beyond the possibility of humiliation, and I
hope to age with more dignity than blunders, but I also hope to keep my
sense of self-worth even when such blunders are unavoidable.
Your initial leap of faith took courage; if you’re not born into piety,
you do risk strong headwinds from family/friends. Blessed are they who
do it anyway!
I think you are right, Kate, about humiliation. Every time I think that I have achieved mastery in some aspect of my life the temptation has a way of returning in some new guise. I am sure that will be true about humiliation. Richard Rohr says that we should welcome it. I am not sure that I can do that.
On the leap of faith of my 18 year old self, my parents welcomed it in their usual guarded manner and later on became more committed in their own faith which was lovely to see. My friends were more taken aback but they stayed friends. The support of a strong Christian fellowship at my university was very important in those early years.
The Dark Night of the soul. I think that this transition is what makes Eowyn so relatable to a lot of people.
Many thanks for leaving a comment here. I do appreciate it.
Even though Éowyn knows nothing of the language of the dark night of the soul she still lives it. I suspect that is true for many people which, as you say, it is so relatable.
Always appreciate your insights, Stephen, and those of your other readers.
Thank you so much for expressing your appreciation.
I don’t think she really loved ARagorn in that kind of love because she was still young and she was desiring attention above all.
I had another comment and it got swallowed up by trying to log in.
I think Eowyn’s character arc and growth is important to point out and i think by her defying everyone to ride out to war is very admirable and i think we can analyze her intentions a bit further . Great post.
Thank you so much for leaving a comment. I hope that you will do so again.
I agree with you that our first desire as a young person is to receive attention from someone special. It is so wonderful when someone tells us that we matter to them.
And I agree with you that Eowyn’s decision to ride into battle with the Rohirrim is admirable. We do not grow by hiding away from life.
“no-one should give their Self away until they have a Self, strong enough, secure enough, to be able to give.”
I like that, definitely a concept I’m going to discuss with my teenage niece who is struggling a bit with growing into an adult.
Hi, Marie, I hope that your conversation with your niece goes well. How fortunate she is to have you to talk to. It can be so hard for parents to have this kind of conversation with their children.